Inter-dimensional shape-shifting reptilian overlords the Anunnaki have announced they will not renew their sponsorship of the Duke of York.
The Anunnaki join accountancy and audit firm KPMG which also ended sponsorship of the prince’s entrepreneurship initiative, Pitch@Palace
The controversy over the prince’s ties to the convicted sex offender Jeffery Epstein is understood to have been a key reason behind the reptilian’s decision.
Despite his enduring friendship with Epstein, the Queen’s third child completely exonerated himself of all accusations of wrongdoing during an interview with Emily Maitlis, broadcast by the BBC on Saturday.
Zelos, the earthly spokes-lizard for the Anunnaki, told The Post Truth Post that the prince’s behaviour “did not align with the Babylonian Brotherhood’s core values.”
“A requirement of our sponsorship of the ruling global elite is that its members engage in acts that generate negative energy and human suffering for us to feed on.
“Having conclusively established that his contribution to the sum of all human suffering amounts to nothing more than allegedly failing to tip a waiter at a Pizza Express in Woking, it is with regret that we will no longer be able to sponsor the mammal-form you call Prince Andrew.”
Zelos was keen to reassure the sheeple of Britain that the inactions of the Duke of York were his and his alone, and did not diminish the royal family’s senior position within the ranks of the Red Dresses.
UK political establishment infiltrated by “Boris”, claims Russia report
Friday November 15th 2019
Photo credit: Dominika Gregušová
A report examining Russian interference in the UK’s democratic processes speculates that a Russian sleeper agent has infiltrated the heart of the British political establishment.
Leaked pages from the 50-page dossier, somewhat unimaginatively, refer to Vladimir Putin’s stooge as “Boris” and reveal that security services have been unable to determine his true identity.
Unredacted sections of the report suggest that “Boris” was probably educated at Eton and Oxford and may have spent several years posing as a journalist before being activated by his FSB handlers.
The report notes that intercepted diplomatic cables refer to the agent as “The Shagger”, leading its authors to conclude that Moscow could hold kompromat relating to innumerable affairs and an unknown number of children.
The Post Truth Post’s chief spy catcher, Sir George Fishlove-Smyth, says that if the evidence were real, it would be very worrying.
“If security agencies have not been able to identify an individual operating at the heart of the political establishment it implies he’s adept at hiding in plain sight and no doubt an expert liar,” Sir George said.
“He’s likely to have developed the persona of an eccentric loveable fool over many years to distract attention from his real mission.
“I’d also expect he’s formed close alliances with others who have spent time in Moscow and have publicly stated their intent to destroy the British political establishment.
“Whoever this Boris chap is he sounds like a real threat to our way of life, and I’d expect that the government are taking urgent action to stop him.”
Downing Street indicated the government would not publish a similar report, compiled by the parliamentary intelligence and security committee, until after the general election, leading some to accuse Boris Johnson of presiding over a cover up.
After reviewing the evidence, Sir George says he has no idea who the Russian infiltrator is, saying, “If I had to speculate I’d say the spy was someone with communist leanings and a beard, like Jeremy Corbyn, but that’s just a wild guess.”